Naughty Vaseline Joke

This naughty Vaseline joke has a punchline I sure wasn’t expecting!  LOL

A man escapes from a prison where he’s been locked up for 15 years. 

He breaks into a house and Inside, he finds a young couple in bed.

He ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife:
“Listen, this guy is an escaped convict.  Look at his clothes!  He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years.

I saw how he kissed your neck.  If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain.  Do whatever he tells you.  Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you.  This guy is obviously very dangerous.  If he gets angry, he’ll kill us both. Be strong, honey.  I love you!”

She responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck.  He was whispering in my ear.  He told me that he’s gay, thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline.  I told him it was in the bathroom.  Be strong honey.  I love you, too.”

vaseline-Source: attitude.blogspot



A man doing market research for the Vaseline Company knocked at the door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. “I’m doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?”

She said, “Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.”

 “If you don’t mind my asking,” he said, “what do you use it for?” “We use it for sex,” she said.

The researcher was a little taken aback. “Usually people lie to me and say they use it on a child’s bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you’ve been so frank so far, can you tell me exactly HOW you use it for sex?”

The woman said, “I don’t mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on the doorknob and it keeps the kids out.”

What were you thinking ……..