Get Out Of The Car

Get Out Of The Car

 

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.

She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, “I have a gun, and I know how to use it!  Get out of the car!”

 

getoutofthecar1

The four men didn’t wait for a second threat.  They got out and ran like mad.

The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver’s seat.  She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. 

She tried and tried, and then she realized why.  It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat. 

A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down.

She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake.

The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn’t stop laughing.

He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.

No charges were filed.

The moral of the story?  If you’re going to have a senior moment… make it memorable.

 

For Old Times Sake

 

For Old Times Sake

 

senior sex

The husband leans over and asks his wife, “Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.”

Yes, she says, “I remember it well.”

OK, he says, “How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time’s sake?”

“Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!”

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I’ve got to see these two old-timers having
sex against a fence. I’ll just keep an eye on them so there’s no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn’t know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I’ve got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, “Excuse me, but that was something else. You must’ve had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?”

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,

“Fifty years ago that wasn’t an electric fence.”

 

Source: board.jokeroo

 

Up Or Down

At a Senior Citizen’s luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish.

Since both of them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together the next day.

The gentleman picked the lady up, and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started out on their adventure.

They were riding down the river when there was a fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady,

“Do you want to go up or down?”

All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt and pants and made mad passionate love to the man right there in the boat !

When they finished, the man couldn’t believe what had just happened, but he had just experienced the best sex that he’d had in years.

They fished for a while and continued on down the river, when soon they came upon another fork in the river.

He again asked the lady, “Up or down ?”

There she went again, stripped off her clothes, and made wild passionate love to him again.

This really impressed the elderly gentleman, so he asked her to go fishing again the next day.

She said yes and they were there the next day, riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in river, and the elderly gentleman asked, “Up or down ?”

The woman replied, “Down.”

A little puzzled and disappointed, the gentleman guided the boat down the river when he came upon another fork in the river and he asked the lady,”Up or down ?”

She replied, “Up.”

This really confused the gentleman so he asked, “What’s the deal? Yesterday, every time I asked you if you wanted to go up or down you made mad passionate love to me.   Now today, nothing!”

She replied, “Well, yesterday I wasn’t wearing my hearing aid and I thought the choices were fuck or drown.”

 

senior luncheon grandma-and-grandpa-fishing-1024x697

Source:  ebaumsworld

 

 

What Do You Do Now That You’re Retired ??

Once we are retired, we all should remember Harold’s advice.  😉

 

As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to “make a difference” in the world. It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of other “seniors” who have found the courage to take on challenges that would make many of us wither. Harold Jenkins is such a person:

 

THIS IS QUOTED FROM HAROLD:

 

“I’ve often been asked, ‘What do you do now that you’re retired?’

Well, I’m fortunate to have a chemical engineering background and one of the things I enjoy most

is converting beer, wine, and whiskey into urine.

It’s rewarding, uplifting, satisfying, and fulfilling. I do it every day and I really enjoy it.”

 

Harold should be an inspiration to us all.

retired

 

Source: theanswerbank

 

Waitress Refuses To Serve Senior Breakfast Special Without Eggs

A senior couple were out for breakfast when the waitress denied the elderly ladies request to eliminate the eggs from the breakfast special.  You have to hear her genius response!  LOLOL

 

seniorbreakfast

Source: hrtwarming

The Senior And The Skinny Dippers

This senior sure is one sly old fox!  LOL

 

An elderly man had owned a large farm for several years..

He had a large pond in the back.

It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple, and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, and look it over.

He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, ‘we’re not coming out until you leave!’

The old man frowned, ‘I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.’

Holding the bucket up he said, ‘I’m here to feed the alligator.’

Some old men can still think fast.

seniorskinny_dipping_girls

Source: hfao