Breakup Texts That’ll Crack You Up

Not all breakups are painful… Here are some really funny breakup texts which are just hilarious.  While some of them are done by mistake, others take the wittiness to another level.

 

#1  That girls has some balls…

#2  An English lover!

#3  Autocorrect’s a bitch!

#4  Two timing requires a good memory!

#5  Narrow escape!

#6  Never play that game… never!

#7  That’s one way to get your point across!

#8  That’s cruel!

#9  Never disclose your wishes!

#10  Witty!

#11  When you just won’t accept it!

#12  Epic!

#13  No coming back from it!

#14  Cheater detected!

#15  Who needs an enemy when you have friends like these…

#16  Witty and smooth!

#17  No pain … no gain!

#18  Witty!

#19  Sometimes things happen for the best!

 

source:

Girls Night Out

girlsnightoutboo 

GIRLS NIGHT OUT

Two women friends had gone for a “girls night out.” They both were very faithful, loving wives… however, they had gotten a bit over enthusiastic on Margaritas at the Rio.

Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to pee, so they stopped in a cemetery. One had nothing to wipe with so she decided to take off her panties and use them. Her friend, however, was wearing expensive panties and didn’t want to ruin them… luckily she had squatted next to a grave that had a fresh wreath with a ribbon on it… so she proceeded to wipe with that.

After the girls completed their “business” they continued toward home.

The following day, one of the husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed and hung over. He phoned the other husband, and said “These girls nights out have got to stop! I’m starting to suspect the worst! My wife came home with no panties!”

“That’s nothing!” said the other husband, “mine came back with a card stuck to her butt that read:

“FROM ALL OF US AT THE FIRE STATION… WE WILL NEVER FORGET YOU!!!”

 

via: coolbuddy

 

Wife Texts Husband She Brought A Dog Home While The Pic Shows A Coyote ….

When this wife, “Kayla Eby”, sends her husband Justin a text saying she brought home a dog,  but in the picture you can clearly tell it is a coyote,  hilarity ensues.  LOLOL

coyote01 coyote02 coyote03 coyote04 coyote05 coyote06 coyote07 coyote08 coyote09 coyote10 coyote11 coyote12

Image credits: Kayla Eby

More info: Facebook

source: boredpanda

 

12 Things Men Do Differently Than Women.

Men and women are vastly different creatures. That is never going to change. Proof of that is these 12 things that men and women will always do differently.

 

12 Things Men Do Differently Than Women.

 

12thingsmenpic 12-things-men-and-women-will-always-do-differently3

 

Via: brobible.com, tickld.com, & shutterstock.com

22 Hilarious Divorce Cakes That Are Even Better Than Wedding Cakes

With these funny cakes…you can have your divorce and eat it too!

1. Well that’s one way of making amends.

2. This intricate design is basically an edible settlement agreement.

This intricate design is basically an edible settlement agreement.

3. Though not edible, this one was made from actual divorce papers.

Though not edible, this one was made from actual divorce papers.

Pretty crafty.

4. Rats, anyone?

Rats, anyone?

5. The heart is a lonely island.

The heart is a lonely island.

6. A steampunk wedding means a steampunk divorce.

7. Draw!

Draw!

8. Melancholy, but very intricate.

Melancholy, but very intricate.

9. Bury the ring, once and for all.

Bury the ring, once and for all.

Just be careful not to swallow it.

10. Has anybody seen Ken?

Has anybody seen Ken?

11. One ring to rule them all.

One ring to rule them all.

12. Clear. Concise. Confirmed.

Clear. Concise. Confirmed.

13. Is that how the saying goes?

Is that how the saying goes?

15. She doesn’t look very sorry about it.

She doesn't look very sorry about it.

16. That is one large pan.

That is one large pan.

17. This one focuses on the positive aspects of being single.

This one focuses on the positive aspects of being single.

18. Freedom isn’t free.

Freedom isn't free.

(Neither is Divorce.)

19. Cake first, then tattoo.

Cake first, then tattoo.

Retro Bakery / retrobakerylv.com

20. Aww, this one is actually kind of cute!

Aww, this one is actually kind of cute!

~Who’s a grumpy little divorce cake?~

21. Enough said.

Enough said.

22. Have you ever seen poop made out of icing?

Have you ever seen poop made out of icing?

Well….at least we think it’s icing.

 

Via: buzzfeed.com

12 Things Men Do Differently To Women

Men and women will always do things differently…

Differences-Between-Men-and-Womenboo

NICKNAMES

-If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

-If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Dickhead and Shit for Brains.


EATING OUT

-When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

-When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.


MONEY

-A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

-A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need, but is on sale.


BATHROOMS

-A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush, toothpaste, razor, shampoo, soap and a towel.

-The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.


ARGUMENTS

-A woman has the last word in any argument.

-Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


FUTURE

-A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

-A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


SUCCESS

-A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

-A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


MARRIAGE

-A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

-A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.


DRESSING UP

-A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

-A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.


NATURAL

-Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

-Women somehow deteriorate during the night.


OFFSPRING

-A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

-A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.


THOUGHT OF THE DAY

A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Via: tickld

 

Psychological Life Hacks To Give You An Advantage

These psychological life hacks have been practiced by successful people throughout the years. Maybe it’s time you took advantage of these mind tricks that can vastly improve your life! 

 

life hacks-psychological

Via: thumbpress.com

See What Happens When This Husband To Be Was In Charge Of The Wedding Invitations

You might be taking your chances if you decide to leave your soon to be husband in charge of any wedding preparations, little own the invitations!  LOL

 

funny-wedding-invitation-couple-2 funny-wedding-invitation-couple-velociraptor-hidden

Source: themetapicture

Dumbest Things Dads Have Said In The Delivery Room

These Dads totally blew it in the delivery room….don’t make their mistakes! 😉

dadslabor

You know what we’re talking about. He’s utterly confused and can’t quite seem to grasp the exact pain you’re experiencing. That’s when he says one of these beautiful one-liners.

And all moms can relate.

That’s why we went to moms and asked them about the craziest things their partners said in the delivery room. Their answers will either have you nodding in agreement or thanking your partner for somehow managing to keep it together … and his foot out of his mouth:

  1. “‘That wasn’t so bad, was it?’ I almost punched my husband in the face.”

  2. “When our daughter decided to make her appearance at 38 weeks, my husband responded with, ‘Already? But the book says 40 weeks!'” 

  3. “I was in final stages of pushing on all fours when I pooped. For months afterwards, he would tell anyone who would listen, ‘I thought it was the head. And then it fell off.'”

  4. “The vagina is ruined!”

  5. “Oh my God, oh my God, why is it doing that?!’ he yelled as I was crowning.”

  6. “After 11 hours of labor and the epidural not working, my husband looked at me and said, ‘Honey, it can’t hurt that bad!’ I looked at him and replied, ‘come let me twist your testicles.’ He backed far, far away.”

  7. “I had been in labor for just about 15 hours, when my husband said this gem: ‘I think I’m just going to go home quickly and take a nap. Text me when anything changes.'”

  8. “I was already scheduled for an induction, but my water broke suddenly. I wake him up, and he says, ‘Can’t we just go when you have that induction?  I have golf in the morning, and it’s too late to call everyone to cancel!’ My son was born about 45 minutes later.”

  9. “He asked the doctor how soon we can have sex just minutes after I delivered our son.”

  10. “While delivering my son, I felt something coming out. I told my husband to get the nurse, so my dear, sweet, wonderful husband goes to the door and literally yelled into the hall, ‘MY WIFE HAS TO TAKE A DUMP!'”

  11. “My husband happened to peek while the doctor was sewing up my huge tear and then looks at me and says, ‘You’re never gonna s*** the same again.'”

  12. “He told me to ‘take it easy’ when I was cursing.”

  13. Sheesh, can you just reach in there and pull her out already?”

  14. “When I went into labor with my oldest, we were getting ready to leave for the hospital and my husband packed a pair of scissors. ‘Do I need to bring them, or does the hospital have some for me to use to cut the umbilical cord?'”

  15. “‘Where does it hurt,’ he asked. Where do you think?!”

  16. “When I finally asked for an epidural, he muttered from his spot on the couch across the room, ‘You don’t really need it…'”

  17. “How much longer?”

  18. “‘This is just like birthing heifers!’ He grew up on a farm, but still … “

  19. “Do you mind if I go get some food?”

  20. “‘Let me take this conference call,” he said. And then he did. For 45 minutes. I never let him live it down.”

  21. “Can I turn the TV up? I can’t hear over your moaning.”

  22. “To the doctor, he said, ‘Can you put a few extra stitches in that to keep things tight?'”

  23. “Wake me up when it’s time to push.”

  24. “‘I don’t think I want to do this again,’ he said. Oh really, you? This was hard on you?!”

  25. “‘Do you think my mom can come in?’ he asked. No, for the thousandth time, I don’t want your mother in this room.”

  26. “I was really out of it because they had given me Ambien. I would wake up with each contraction talking about how I didn’t think I could do it. Since I didn’t remember what he was saying anyway, he started having fun by responding ‘I know’ or ‘nope, you can’t do it’.”

  27. “He kept saying over and over again, ‘OK, let’s regroup.’ The nurse asked me if he was in the military. I said no, but he’s going to be in the hall if he keeps saying that.”

Source: thestir.cafemom