Don’t you just love it, when you get the last laugh? That sure was the case for this woman! ROFLMAO!
After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for his young secretary…hmmm, is any of this sounding familiar?
His new girlfriend demanded that she wanted to live in the couple’s multimillion dollar home, and since the man’s lawyers were a little better, he prevailed. Again, having the right lawyer — and of course, the lawyer with the right connections — in court is critical!
He gave his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out. She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay. What is it with Chardonnay and women in distress…I had a client in Malibu that wiped out huge suppies of this wine for weeks, till I showed up — and I think her soon to be X was drinking “Jack!”
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells, dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning and mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere.
Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit…Repairmen refused to work in the house… The maid quit…Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and they decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out, and eventually, even the local realtors refused to return their calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place. The ex-wife called the man, and asked how things weregoing. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back…
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth — but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed, and within the hour, his lawyers delivered the paperwork. A week later, the man and his new girlfriend stood smirking as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home…
… including the curtain rods.
Source Via: desperateexes.com
A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, “I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.”
The driver says, “Goodness, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.”
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: ‘Now don’t be silly, dear – you know that this car doesn’t have cruise control.”
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, “Can’t you please keep your mouth shut for once?”
The wife smiles demurely and says, “Well dear you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher.”
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, “Woman, can’t you keep your mouth shut?”
The officer frowns and says, ”And I notice that you’re not wearing your seat belt, sir. That’s an automatic $75 fine.”
The driver says, ‘Yeah, well you see officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket”.
The wife says, “Now, dear, you know very well that you didn’t have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you’re driving.”
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, “WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP”?
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, “Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma’am? “
I love this part…….
“Only when he’s been drinking.”
Source Via: usaone.net/jokenet