It is NO wonder men misunderstand women as they are very complicated individuals!
1. I don’t want to talk about it
It is something. It is definitely something and you had better figure it out real quick.
3. I’m not upset
4. Do I look fat in this?
A better translation would be “Do you think I’m ugly?” and the answer is categorically “no”.
5. Do you have to do this now?
Also not a question. It means stop doing what you’re doing and prepare for further orders.
6. Go ahead
Do not misconstrue this as permission. In fact, it’s more of a dare. Actually, its always a dare. Don’t do it.
7. What are you doing?
It means “no”.
9. We can go anywhere you want
In most cases this also means no. There are exceptions but they are very hard to distinguish.
11. Thanks a lot
It’s a very small distinction but this is actually the opposite of “thanks”. Under no circumstances should you say “you’re welcome”. Typically that would land you back at #15 (Whatever).
12. It would be nice if…
It means thanks. Say “you’re welcome”.
This is like “fine” except significantly worse. In fact, many times it will follow #18 (Are you listening?).
16. It’s okay
17. 5 minutes
This depends on context. If she is getting dressed then it is most likely somewhere between 30 and 40 minutes. If you are watching TV then it is closer to 0 minutes. As in “why are you watching TV right now when you should be doing something productive?”
18. Are you listening?
You are not listening. There is no way to recover from this.
19. *Loud sigh*
You might not think so, but this is actually a word and it can roughly be translated as “I can’t believe I have to stand here and put up with your stupidity”.
20. It’s up to you
If you think this means you have freedom to choose then you are very, very mistaken. A much better translation would be “It’s up to you…to select the right choice which I know but I am not going to tell you because you should know.” Making the wrong choice will usually result in an “It’s okay (see #16).
21. We need to talk