The Day the Penis Asked for a Raise

The Day the Penis Asked for a Raise

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labour.

I work at great depths.

I plunge headfirst into everything I do.

I do not get weekends or public holidays off.

I work in a damp environment.

I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.

I work in high temperatures.

My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Sincerely,

P. Niss

The Response

 

Dear Penis:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight.

You fall asleep after brief work periods.

You do not always follow the orders of the management team.  You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.

You do not take initiative – you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.

You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.

You don’t always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.

You will retire well before you are 65.

You are unable to work double shifts.

You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.

And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking round bags.

Sincerely,

V. GINA

via: chubibo

The Nuns Confession

the nuns confession

When nuns are admitted to Heaven they go through a special gate and are expected to make one last confession before they become angels.

Several nuns are lined up at this gate waiting to be absolved of their last sins before they are made holy.

“And so,” says St. Peter, “have you ever had any contact with a penis?”

“Well,” says the first nun in line, “I did once just touch the tip of one with the tip of my finger.”

“OK,” says St. Peter, “dip your finger in the holy water and pass on into heaven.

” The next nun admits, “Well, yes, I did once get carried away and I, you know, sort of massaged one a bit.”

“OK,” says St. Peter, “rinse your hand in the holy water and pass on into heaven.”

Suddenly there is some jostling in the line and one of the nuns is trying to cut in front.

“Well now, what’s going on here?” says St. Peter.

“Well, your excellency,” says the nun who is trying to improve her position in line, “If I’m going to have to gargle that stuff, I want to do it before Sister Mary Thomas sticks her ass in it.” 

 

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