20 Things We Can Learn From Sheldon Cooper

Sheldon Cooper has some of the most hilarious ways of teaching us about physics and life in general on the hit show “The Big Bang Theory”!

1. Science.

20 Things We Can Learn From Sheldon Cooper

2. Relationships aren’t for everyone.

20 Things We Can Learn From Sheldon Cooper
CBS / Via bite.ca

3. Neither are organized sports.

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4. Don’t put up with insults.

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5. Don’t believe everything you hear.

6. Don’t be afraid of the future.

7. You should always tell the truth.

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8. Lend an ear to anyone who needs to talk.

9. It’s OK to ask questions.

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10. It’s OK to be an introvert.

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11. It’s important to keep your emotions in check.

12. Maintaining friendships can be hard.

13. Getting away with things can be hard.

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14. Music is a great escape.

15. Exercise is important.

16. Be cautious of germs.

17. Give credit where credit is due.

18. Facial expressions mean everything.

19. If you’ve got it, flaunt it.

20. And last, but certainly not least, how to scare away a bird.

20 Things We Can Learn From Sheldon Cooper
CBS / Via giphy.com

12 Of The Cheesiest Pick-Up Lines You’ll Ever Hear!

These have GOT to be some of THE cheesiest pick-up lines you’ll ever hear! Next time you see a hottie, you’ll know exactly what to fondue.

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Via: buzzfeed.com

The Unbelievable Origin Of Sayings Like “Piss Poor” And Others From A Much Simpler Time

The origin of these sayings from the past truly took me back in time.  It is hard to believe the term “raining cats and dogs” had such a bizarre beginning!

Check out these old sayings from the past to see which ones you remember or possibly still use to this day.

 

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“They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot. Once a day it was taken and sold to the tannery.

If you had to do this to survive, you were ‘piss poor.’

But worse than that were the really poor folks who couldn’t even afford to buy a pot. They ‘didn’t have a pot to piss in’ and were considered the lowest of the low.”

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“Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty good by June.

However, since they were starting to smell, brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor.

Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.”

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“Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water.

The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women, and finally the children. Last of all the babies.

By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, ‘Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water!’”

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“Houses had thatched roofs with thick straw-piled high and no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof.

When it rained, it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying, ‘It’s raining cats and dogs.’

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed.

Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That’s how canopy beds came into existence.”

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“The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the term, ‘dirt poor.’

The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on the floor to help keep their footing.

As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way.

Hence, ‘a thresh hold.’”

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“In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day, they lit the fire and added things to the pot.

They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day.

Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme, ‘Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old.’

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off.

It was a sign of wealth that a man could ‘bring home the bacon.’ They would cut off a little to share with guests, and would all sit around and ‘chew the fat.’”

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“Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death.

This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the ‘upper crust.’”

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“Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days.

Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial.

They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up.

Hence the custom of holding a ‘wake.’”

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“In old, small villages, local folks started running out of places to bury people.

So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave.

When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside, and they realized they had been burying people alive.

So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell.

Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (‘the graveyard shift’) to listen for the bell.

Thus, someone could be ‘saved by the bell,’ or was considered a ‘dead ringer.’

Now, whoever said history was boring?”

Viral Internet piece, as compiled by Flo Deems of ToneByTone

via: littlethings

What Is Butt Dust?

butt dust Kids-say-the-darndest-things

What, you ask, is ‘Butt dust’?  What do you do or say, when an innocent child asks you something so innocent and they are so serious?  Read on and you’ll discover the joy in it!  These have to be original and genuine.  No adult is this creative!!

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister… After a while he asked: ‘Mom why have you got two?  Is one for hot and one for cold milk?’

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was.  Granny replied she was so old she didn’t remember any more.  Melanie said, ‘If you don’t remember you must look in the back of your panties.  Mine say five to six.’

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night.  ‘I love you so much that when you die I’m going to bury you outside my bedroom window.’

BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle.  Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she’d have to open it for her.  Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked:  ‘How does it know it’s me?’

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups.  ‘Please don’t give me this juice again,’ she said, ‘It makes my teeth cough.’

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked:  ‘How much do I cost?’

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried.  When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, ‘I don’t know what’ll happen with this bed when I get married.  How will my wife fit in it?’

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad:  ‘Why is he whispering in her mouth?’

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew.  Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked,  ‘Why doesn’t your skin fit your face?’

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story.  His dad read:  ‘The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt. ‘ Concerned, James asked:  ‘What happened to the flea?’

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget….

This particular Sunday sermon… ‘Dear Lord,’ the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face.

‘Without you, we are but dust….’ He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, ‘Mom, what is butt dust?’

Source: answers.yahoo

33 Actual Things Said On Church Bulletins

Who would have thought you would get such a great laugh from some church bulletins.  LOLOL

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1. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

2. For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

3. The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

4. Evening massage – 6 p.m.

5. The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

6. The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.

7. Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 pm. Please use the back door.

8. Ushers will eat latecomers.

9. The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.

10. The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.

11. The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.

12. The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, “Break Forth Into Joy.”

13. During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.

14. Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on “It’s a Terrible Experience.”

15. Due to the Rector’s illness, Wednesday’s healing services will be discontinued until further notice.

16. Stewardship Offertory: “Jesus Paid It All”

17. The music for today’s service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.

18. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

19. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

20. The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister’s daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.

21. 22 members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows Why.

22. A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.

23. Today’s Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir.

24. Hymn 43: “Great God, what do I see here?” Preacher: The Rev. Horace Blodgett Hymn 47: “Hark! an awful voice is sounding”

25. On a church bulletin during the minister’s illness: GOD IS GOOD Dr. Hargreaves is better.

26. Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow.

27. Don’t let worry kill you off – let the church help.

28. The 1997 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.

29. Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary…

30. 8 new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

31. The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

32. Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.

33. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 pm. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

Source: tickld

 

Clever Tip Jars Guaranteed To Make You Money

It’s widely accepted that leaving a tip is the done thing, but not everybody does. So how do you get people to leave a tip? Here are some very clever and creative ideas to have your tip jars full in no time!

 

Slimer or Hulk?

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A Tip? For Me?

funny-tip-jars-2Money is the Root of all Evil

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Star Wars or Star Trek?

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This Week’s Question is…

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Now thats an Incentive

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Are You as Evil as These People?

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Tupac or Biggie?

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Prepare to Tip!!

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Tip Me Baby One More Time

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Rapping Lessons for Lil Wayne

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Help Send My Cat to Ninja School

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This Incentive:

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Even More:

21 Brilliant Tip Jars Guaranteed to Make Some Money

Do It for the Dolphins

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End the Haircut Tragedy That Is the Mullet

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Who Would You Pick?

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Save the Poor Fishy

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Don’t Upset Jesus

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Make It Happen for This Sloth

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Ummm… Pizza

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Source Via: blazepress.com

 

 

Southern cops have a way with words!

These are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their car videos:

1. “You know, stop lights don’t come any redder than the one you just went through.”

2. “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while.”

3. “If you take your hands off the car, I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.” (My Favorite)

4. “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”

5. “Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that’s the speed of the bullet that’ll be chasing you.” (LOVE IT)

6. “You don’t know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?”

7. “Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I’m the shift supervisor?”

8. “Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.”

9. “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”

10. “Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.”

11. “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”

12. “In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC.”

( National Crime Information Center )

13. “Just how big were those ‘two beers’ you say you had?”

14. “No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we can.”

15. “I’m glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.”

AND THE WINNER IS….

16. “You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? You’re right, we don’t. Sign here.”

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