Hilarious Emergencies A Dog Would Have If They Could Dial 911

 

When you hear about a dog calling 911, it’s usually because their owner is having an emergency. But what would happen if a dog called 911 with its OWN idea of a crisis?

That’s the question that went through the mind of Twitter user Reverend Scott, and he’s come up with some pretty funny answers.

More info: Twitter (h/t: distractify) | Cover image credits: Kent Mathiesen

 

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Dude…Pass the Milkbones…

Dogs are too funny, and these guys are a “trip”.  I thought it was cats that usually “benefit” from the “funny stuff”, but something tells me these dogs have been into SOMETHING! “Dude…Pass the Milkbones…” Now if we only knew what’s in those Milkbones!

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Source: themetapicture

Dog Is Heartbroken, So Owner Tapes A Note On Neighbour’s Window

There once was a dog who lived across the street from a cat. Every day, three times a day for months, the dog would longingly peer into the window across the street just to see his beloved cat. It became somewhat of a habit until the cat owner decided to put potted plants on the windowsill her cat loved to sit on… and suddenly the dog couldn’t see his feline crush anymore. Their cute love story wouldn’t end here, however.

The dog spent a few days moping around the house until his owner realized why he was so sad. The woman taped a note on her neighbor’s window that will break your heart in the best way.

The note read:

Dear Neighbor,

This is going to seem ridiculous, but I thought you should know that my dog (who lives next door with me) is madly in love with your cat… and has been for probably 6 months! Three times a day, he puts his paws on our railing to look at him/her in your windowsill. Now that you have potted plants there, he is heartbroken… but keeps looking for your cat every time. Maybe your plants could switch to a different window??!

-From your neighbor and her adoring dog

Instead of ignoring the note, the cat owner responded in the absolute best way. She moved the potted plants and left a simple note of her own, “For True Love!”

We don’t know if the pets ended up together or not… but if we had to guess, we’d say they are walking around the block together right now, madly in love.

Source

22 Awesome Things You Didn’t Know About Your Dog

Here’s 22 things you might not know about your dog that makes them even MORE awesome! Sorry, we still haven’t translated “woof” yet!

1. Got a Labrador? Think it’s the bee’s knees? You’re not alone — labs are the most popular breed in the world.

22 Awesome Things You Didn't Know About Your Dog

2. Dogs don’t just lap up water indiscriminately — they form the backs of their tongues into little water cups.

3. Your dog’s earliest ancestor is the Miacis, a small weasel-like creature that lived 40 million years ago. Dogs share this ancestor with wolves, raccoons, and bears.

Your dog's earliest ancestor is the Miacis, a small weasel-like creature that lived 40 million years ago. Dogs share this ancestor with wolves, raccoons, and bears.

4. If your dog’s acting up, it might be because a storm’s on the way. Dogs can hear, smell, and feel a change in the weather long before us.

If your dog's acting up, it might be because a storm's on the way. Dogs can hear, smell, and feel a change in the weather long before us.

6. The first sense puppies develop is touch.

The first sense puppies develop is touch.

7. But! They don’t really enjoy hugging. In the canine world, putting your limb over another animals signifies dominance.

But! They don't really enjoy hugging. In the canine world, putting your limb over another animals signifies dominance.

8. Eighteen muscles move your dog’s ears around independently of one another.

Eighteen muscles move your dog's ears around independently of one another.

9. Square-headed dogs (like Saint Bernards) can hear subsonic sounds better than dogs with narrow heads (like spaniels).

Square-headed dogs (like Saint Bernards) can hear subsonic sounds better than dogs with narrow heads (like spaniels).

10. But tiny dogs, like Chihuahuas, can hear sounds in higher ranges than big dogs.

But tiny dogs, like Chihuahuas, can hear sounds in higher ranges than big dogs.

11. Dogs’ nose prints are as unique as human fingerprints, and can be used to prove identity. Good luck sticking a dog’s face in some ink without making the mother of all messes, though.

Dogs' nose prints are as unique as human fingerprints, and can be used to prove identity. Good luck sticking a dog's face in some ink without making the mother of all messes, though.

12. Your dog’s wet nose helps him detect scent by absorbing the water droplets that carry smells.

Your dog's wet nose helps him detect scent by absorbing the water droplets that carry smells.

13. When dogs dig after pooing, they’re not burying anything – they’re marking their territory using scent glands in their paws.

When dogs dig after pooing, they're not burying anything – they're marking their territory using scent glands in their paws.

14. Guide dogs poo on command.

Guide dogs poo on command.

15. Male dogs lift their legs when they pee as a sign of dominance.

Male dogs lift their legs when they pee as a sign of dominance.

16. Dog urine can corrode metals. In fact, several lampposts in Croatia actually collapsed because so many dogs were peeing on them.

Dog urine can corrode metals. In fact, several lampposts in Croatia actually collapsed because so many dogs were peeing on them.

17. Some species of Pekingese were specially bred so that they could be carried around inside a lady’s sleeve.

Some species of Pekingese were specially bred so that they could be carried around inside a lady's sleeve.

upload.wikimedia.org / Wiki Commons

18. Border collies and poodles are thought to be the most intelligent dogs.

19. Afghan hounds and basenjis are thought to be the least intelligent.

commons.wikimedia.org / Wikimedia Commons

20. Beagles are the nosiest dogs.

Beagles are the nosiest dogs.

21. Akita Inus are the most badly behaved dogs around — owning one could even negatively affect your home insurance.

Akita Inus are the most badly behaved dogs around — owning one could even negatively affect your home insurance.

22. … And, of course, Huskies tell the worst jokes.

... And, of course, Huskies tell the worst jokes.

 

How To Silence Your Taxi Driver

My husband and I were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theatre.

Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a ‘night light’ and the answering machine, then put the cat in the backyard.

When our cab arrived, we walked out our front door and our rather tubby cat scooted between our legs inside, then ran up the stairs.

Because our cat likes to chase our budgie we really didn’t want to leave them unchaperoned so my husband ran inside to retrieve her and put her in the back yard again.

Because I didn’t want the taxi driver to know our house was going to be empty all evening, I explained to him that my husband would be out momentarily as he was just bidding goodnight to my mother.

A few minutes later he got into the cab all hot and bothered, and said (to my growing horror and amusement) as the cab pulled away. “Sorry it took so long but the stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her arse with a coat hanger to get her to come out!  She tried to take off so I grabbed her by the neck and wrapped her in a blanket so she wouldn’t scratch me like she did last time.  But it worked!  I hauled her fat arse down the stairs and threw her into the backyard….she had better not shit in the vegetable garden again.”

The silence in the taxi was deafening…..

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Source: reddit

 

Adorable GIFs Guaranteed To Brighten Your Day

These GIFs are so adorable, they can’t help but put a smile on your face!  😉

 

Happy Dance


 

Stray kitten takes ownership of cameraman


 

Poor guy…


 

Now that Halloween’s over…


 

Gotcha!


 

Pay attention to me!


 

Young deer grooming kitten


 

om nom nom


 

Dog taking his teddy to bed


 

Parents will relate


 

“This blanket was mine, but you need it more than me ”


 

Kids looting a trick-or-treat basket…wait for it


 
 Source: nedhardy

Photobombing Dog Is The Best Thing To Happen To Craigslist

This photobombing dog in a Chicago Craigslist apartment listing has literally become the “talk of the town”.  The couple who posted the ad had the ingenious idea to let their dog photobomb every picture of the rooms in their apartment hoping that it would draw more attention to their listing because let’s face it…it’s FUNNY! After reading more into the story of the photobombing dog, it seems their idea worked, and their apartment was rented in less than 24 hours after the ad posted!

 

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Via: buzzfeed.com

Dogs Who Share Their Most Embarrassing Confessions

These dogs are so cute you can’t help but forgive them!

 

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Source: iheartdogs

(Most of these photos are courtesy of DogShaming.com, a hilarious site you should definitely be following.)

How To Give A Cat A Pill

There is obviously NO easy way to give your cat a pill and if you ever attempt it, I am sure you will be reminded of this story!  ROFL

 

1)  Pick up cat and cradle it in the crock of your left arm as if holding a baby.  Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of the cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand.  As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth.  Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2)  Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.  Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3)  Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.

4)  Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm while holding rear paws tightly with left hand   Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger.  Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5)  Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.  Retrieve spouse from outside.

6)  Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees.  Hold front and rear paws.  Ignore low growls emitted by  cat.  Get spouse to hold hear firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth.  Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.

7)  Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap.  Make note buy new ruler and repair curtains.  Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8)  Wrap cat i large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible form below armpit.  Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9)  Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans.  Drink one beer to take taste away.  Apply Band-Aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10)  Retrieve cat from neighbor’s shed.  Get another pill.  Open another beer.  Place cat in cupboard and close door on neck to leave head showing.  Force mouth open with dessert spoon.  Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11)  Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.  Drink beer.  Fetch bottle of scotch.  Pour shot of scotch and drink.  Apply cold compress to cheek and check record for date of last tetanus shot.  Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect.  Toss back another shot.  Throw shirt away and fetch new on from bedroom.

12)  Call fire department to retrieve cat from across the road.  Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.  Take last pill from foil wrap.

13)  Tie the little &#^@’s front legs to rear legs with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table.  Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed.  Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak.  Be rough about it.  Hold cat’s head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14)  consume remainder of scotch.  Get spouse to drive you to the ER.  Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye.  Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15)  Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

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How To Give Your Dog A Pill

1)  Wrap pill in bacon.

2) Toss it in the air.

 

Source: medhelp

 

Dogs Who Hate Their Birthday

These dogs would rather be doing other things on their birthday by the looks of them!  LOL

“WHY WOULD I SHARE TREATS ON MY BIRTHDAY?” 

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“I’m actually 7.”

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“I AM TERRIFIED OF FIRE, CHERYL.”

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“Every year, I remind you I can’t read. And yet, here we are again.”

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“Every time you throw me one of these things, I’m just reminded of the futility of existence.”

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“ANOTHER long pink toy? HOW ORIGINAL.”

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“I want it, but I remember the blue poos from last year.”

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“Another year passed and I STILL haven’t mastered Spanish.”

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“I literally hate everyone here.”

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“Yes, everyone.”

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“I’ve asked you 10 times, Kevin. Call me a MAN.”

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“Another year, another party for one. Thanks a lot.”

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“Can I go to my room now?”

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“No thank you.”

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“NOOOOOOOOOOOO.”

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“Worst. Party. Ever.”

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“Another year older, another year wiser. ‘Sup girl?”

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Source: buzzfeed

 

Sons Panic Over Pet Lizard Turns Out To Be Hysterically Funny

As kids most of us had one pet or another throughout our childhood that provided us with many fond memories and some of the funniest stories ever.  This one cracked me right up!  ROFLMAO

 

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Source Via: tickld