When You Realize It Is Time To Move

No doubt about it, seriously might be time to MOVE!  

 

Hilarious Dark Humour Comics By Mr. Lovenstein

Mr. Lovenstein, aka J. L. Westover, draws hilarious dark humour comics with the most unexpected endings.  Mr. Lovenstein and his unusual sense of humour will definitely tickle your funny bone.

 

comics-dark03

 

comics-dark05

 

comics-dark07

 

comics-dark09

 

comics-dark11

 

comics-dark13

 

comics-dark15

 

comics-dark01

 

comics-dark02

 

comics-dark06

 

comics-dark08

 

comics-dark10

 

comics-dark12

 

comics-dark14

 

comics-dark04

 

Via: boredpanda

Got a Pocketful of NOPE

How many of the following photos would have YOU saying…NOPE?!? 

 

 

via: thechive

Wife Texts Husband She Brought A Dog Home While The Pic Shows A Coyote ….

When this wife, “Kayla Eby”, sends her husband Justin a text saying she brought home a dog,  but in the picture you can clearly tell it is a coyote,  hilarity ensues.  LOLOL

 

coyote01 coyote02 coyote03 coyote04 coyote05 coyote06 coyote07 coyote08 coyote09 coyote10 coyote11 coyote12

Image credits: Kayla Eby

More info: Facebook

source: boredpanda

 

After Joining Marines Farm Kid Writes Letter Home

A young farm kid wrote home after joining the marines with this hilarious letter. A version of this has been floating around the web for a while, but a reader recently submitted this slightly altered version, and it’s a great read.

marineletters

Dear Ma and Pa:

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting used to it, so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there’s warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It’s no wonder these city boys can’t walk much.

We go on “route marches,” which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it’s not my place to tell him different. A “route march” is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don’t bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don’t know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don’t move, and it ain’t shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don’t even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain’t like fighting with that ole bull at home. I’m about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake . I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I’m only 5’6″ and 130 pounds and he’s 6’8″ and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,

Alice

Boom! Marine, farm kid, and a young girl? Doesn’t get much tougher than that.

 

Source: thedailyheadline

Celebrity Instagram Photos Hilariously Recreated By Celeste Barber

Celeste Barber, an Australian comedian, definitely has a talent for recreating Celebrity Instagram photos that will literally have you laughing your ass off.  Check them out!

 

1.  Dear hot husband, STOP acting like you love it!

celebrity-instagram-parody-celeste-barber-03

2  Living the dream

celebrity-instagram-parody-celeste-barber-06

3.  You guys make me want to hang my head out the window and scream “I’m better than everyone!”

celebrity-instagram-parody-celeste-barber-09

4.  Pull your hair.  Put on a full length jacket (if budget allows) and fall in the water.

celebrity-instagram-parody-celeste-barber-12

5.  Selfie game strong…

celebrity-instagram-parody-celeste-barber-15

6.  Bums…Balls…Boobs.

celebrity-instagram-parody-celeste-barber-18

7.  Being a Model is much harder than you think.

celebrity-instagram-parody-celeste-barber-02

8.  Privileged people only travel in style.

celebrity-instagram-parody-celeste-barber-05

9.  Put your swimmers on.  Get a chicken…and take a photo.

celebrity-instagram-parody-celeste-barber-08

10 Hiking and twerking, obviously.

celebrity-instagram-parody-celeste-barber-14

11.  Don’t you hate it when you are doing your nails and you get a cramp?

celebrity-instagram-parody-celeste-barber-17

12. Remember to believe in your dreams.

celebrity-instagram-parody-celeste-barber-20

13. Lady Gaga an I progressing nicely at Paddle Board Yoga.

celebrity-instagram-parody-celeste-barber-01

14. Waking up feeling SEXY.

celebrity-instagram-parody-celeste-barber-04

15. Real love is perfect, flawless, acrobatic, stylised, timed and photogenic.

celebrity-instagram-parody-celeste-barber-07

16. F**k YOU gravity!

celebrity-instagram-parody-celeste-barber-10

17. Put on a Gimp an Iron Man mask and lie in the sand.

celebrity-instagram-parody-celeste-barber-13

18. Goooood morning Saturday!

celebrity-instagram-parody-celeste-barber-16

19. Hygiene is BIG business.

celebrity-instagram-parody-celeste-barber-19

20. Us Aussies know how to keep it nice.  Am I right?

 celebrity-instagram-parody-celeste-barber-11

Source: boredpanda

 

My Dad And The Teenager With Spiked Rainbow Hair

My Dad And The Teenager With Spiked Rainbow Hair

 

I took my dad to the mall once to get him new shoes (he is 66).  We decided to grab a bite at the food court.

I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him… the teenager had spiked hair in all different rainbow colors — blue, red, green and orange.  My dad kept staring at her.  The teenager would keep looking and my dad would be staring every time.

When the teenager had had enough, she sarcastically asked,  “What’s the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?”

Knowing my dad, I quickly swallowed my food so I wouldn’t choke on his response — I knew he would have a good one.

In classic style he responded without batting an eyelid: “Got stoned once and fucked a peacock.   Just wondering if you were my daughter.”

 

rainbow_hair

 

Source: humortimes

 

What Is Butt Dust?

butt dust Kids-say-the-darndest-things

What, you ask, is ‘Butt dust’?  What do you do or say, when an innocent child asks you something so innocent and they are so serious?  Read on and you’ll discover the joy in it!  These have to be original and genuine.  No adult is this creative!!

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister… After a while he asked: ‘Mom why have you got two?  Is one for hot and one for cold milk?’

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was.  Granny replied she was so old she didn’t remember any more.  Melanie said, ‘If you don’t remember you must look in the back of your panties.  Mine say five to six.’

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night.  ‘I love you so much that when you die I’m going to bury you outside my bedroom window.’

BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle.  Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she’d have to open it for her.  Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked:  ‘How does it know it’s me?’

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups.  ‘Please don’t give me this juice again,’ she said, ‘It makes my teeth cough.’

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked:  ‘How much do I cost?’

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried.  When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, ‘I don’t know what’ll happen with this bed when I get married.  How will my wife fit in it?’

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad:  ‘Why is he whispering in her mouth?’

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew.  Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked,  ‘Why doesn’t your skin fit your face?’

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story.  His dad read:  ‘The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt. ‘ Concerned, James asked:  ‘What happened to the flea?’

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget….

This particular Sunday sermon… ‘Dear Lord,’ the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face.

‘Without you, we are but dust….’ He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, ‘Mom, what is butt dust?’

Source: answers.yahoo

How To Silence Your Taxi Driver

My husband and I were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theatre.

Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a ‘night light’ and the answering machine, then put the cat in the backyard.

When our cab arrived, we walked out our front door and our rather tubby cat scooted between our legs inside, then ran up the stairs.

Because our cat likes to chase our budgie we really didn’t want to leave them unchaperoned so my husband ran inside to retrieve her and put her in the back yard again.

Because I didn’t want the taxi driver to know our house was going to be empty all evening, I explained to him that my husband would be out momentarily as he was just bidding goodnight to my mother.

A few minutes later he got into the cab all hot and bothered, and said (to my growing horror and amusement) as the cab pulled away. “Sorry it took so long but the stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her arse with a coat hanger to get her to come out!  She tried to take off so I grabbed her by the neck and wrapped her in a blanket so she wouldn’t scratch me like she did last time.  But it worked!  I hauled her fat arse down the stairs and threw her into the backyard….she had better not shit in the vegetable garden again.”

The silence in the taxi was deafening…..

silence taxi driver

 

Source: reddit