Comparing a period to an apocalypse is really not that far off! LMAO!
1. Everything you do opens the floodgates.
“Every breath you take, every move you make, every step you take, I’ll be exiting your body with the force of Niagara Falls.”
2. It makes laundry more complicated.
But hey, now you can add “knows how to get blood out of everything” to your resume.
3. You have to remember to take extra supplies with you EVERYWHERE.
Yes, that is a tampon in my glove box.
4. The pain. OH GOD, THE PAIN.
Apparently, there’s a demon hanging out in my abdomen. Cool.
5. Part of you really wants sex, but the other part of you feels disgusting and achy and very, very unsexy.
Note to men: this move is not a panty-dropper no matter what time of the month it is.
6. Literally anything can trigger a fit of rage or a flood of tears.
I fail to see anything irrational about this photo.
7. Certain items of clothing are off limits.
I don’t care if I’m wearing a tampon and two overnight pads; this is not happening.
8. Your cravings are ridiculously intense.
Yes, I know the difference between want and need. The latter describes my relationship with an entire bag of Doritos.
9. Your face becomes a small-scale mountain range.
Don’t worry; it’ll clear up just in time for your next menstruation-related breakout.
10. Period poops wreck your colon and your plumbing.
Because you don’t feel gross enough as it is.
11. It is impossible to get comfortable.
Hey, it doesn’t hurt so bad if I lie down like thi—-OH SWEET MERCY NEVER MIND.
12. You are constantly exhausted.
I’m not even ashamed that my twenty minute nap lasted for three hours.
13. If you live alone, you might have to get out of bed and get the stuff you need ALL BY YOURSELF.
I don’t know who this guy is, but I’m already planning our future together.
14. There are (many) times when NOTHING helps.
I puked up the Midol and the heating pad is collaborating with my fever to make me poop more and can you please just leave me alone to die?
15. There is never a convenient time for it to come.
This week, I’m probably going to finally hook up with that hot guy I’ve been seeing. Next week, I have a race that I’ve spent the last four months training for. Can you maybe just skip this month?
16. Your bloating situation gets out of control.
You want a piece of this sweet muffin top?
17. You laugh in the face of physical activity.
If it involves more effort than rolling over in my sleep, it’s not happening.
18. You have to whip out the dreaded period panties.
You stay away from my sexy lingerie, Mother Nature.
19. If you wear tampons, you live in constant fear of getting toxic shock syndrome.
Has it been eight hours? DEATH IS IMMINENT.
20. If you wear pads, you run the risk of things getting a little too squishy.
Either I just sat on mashed potatoes or I need to make a bathroom run.
21. The wrappers for both products are louder than the average fireworks show.
I don’t care that you know that I’m on my period. I just don’t want you to think I’m eating Sun Chips in a public bathroom.
22. Garbage day is intense.
It’s like an all-you-can-eat buffet for vampires.
23. Everything you need costs a small fortune.
Ah, the sweet sensation of spending half your paycheck to catch the blood flowing from your uterus.
24. But hey, at least you’re not pregnant!