Student Claims He Is Too Smart For First Grade, The Principal Has This Response

smart-kid

A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. One day she asked Johnny what his problem was he replied, “I’m too smart for the first grade, my sister is in the third grade and I’m smarter than her too.” 

The teacher took him to the principal’s office and explained the situation to the principal. The principal told her that he would give Johnny a test, and if he failed to answer one question he would have to go back to the first grade and be quiet. The teacher and Johnny both agreed.

Principal: “What is 3 x 3?”

Johnny: “9.”

Principal: “6 x 6?”

Johnny: “36.”

And so it went on like this, the principal asked him every question a third grader should know. Finally after about an hour he told the teacher “I see no reason Johnny can’t go to the third grade, he answered all of my questions right.”

The teacher asked if she could ask him some questions. The principal and Johnny agree.

Teacher: “What does a cow have 4 of that I only have 2 of?”

Johnny: “Legs”

Teacher: “What do you have in your pants that I don’t have?”

The principal gasps but before he can stop him from answering Johnny says, “Pockets.”

Teacher: “What does a dog do that a man steps into?”

Johnny: “Pants.”

Teacher: “What starts with F and ends with K and means a lot of excitement?”

Johnny: “Firetruck.”

The principal breaths a big sigh of relief and says “Put Johnny in the fifth grade, I got the last 4 questions wrong myself.”

 

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If Toddlers Were On Facebook

Could you imagine if toddlers were on Facebook?  By the looks of these posts I think we can be very thankful they are NOT!  🙂

TARGET PROBLEMS

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HOLY CRAP

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FACEBOOK PICS

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EMO SONG LYRICS

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VAGUEBOOKING

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HELL’S KITCHEN

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THANKSGIVING PROBLEMS

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DON’T TELL ME HOW TO LIVE

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PINTEREST ANGST

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DATE NIGHT

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Little Johnny On Nuclear Power

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A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, “Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”

Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, “What would you like to discuss?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” said the stranger. “How about nuclear power?”

“OK,” said Little Johnny. “That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. “A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?”

“Jeez,” said the stranger. “I have no idea.”

“Well, then,” said Little Johnny, “How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don’t know shit?”

 

 via

What Is Butt Dust?

butt dust Kids-say-the-darndest-things

What, you ask, is ‘Butt dust’?  What do you do or say, when an innocent child asks you something so innocent and they are so serious?  Read on and you’ll discover the joy in it!  These have to be original and genuine.  No adult is this creative!!

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister… After a while he asked: ‘Mom why have you got two?  Is one for hot and one for cold milk?’

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was.  Granny replied she was so old she didn’t remember any more.  Melanie said, ‘If you don’t remember you must look in the back of your panties.  Mine say five to six.’

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night.  ‘I love you so much that when you die I’m going to bury you outside my bedroom window.’

BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle.  Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she’d have to open it for her.  Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked:  ‘How does it know it’s me?’

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups.  ‘Please don’t give me this juice again,’ she said, ‘It makes my teeth cough.’

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked:  ‘How much do I cost?’

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried.  When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, ‘I don’t know what’ll happen with this bed when I get married.  How will my wife fit in it?’

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad:  ‘Why is he whispering in her mouth?’

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew.  Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked,  ‘Why doesn’t your skin fit your face?’

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story.  His dad read:  ‘The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt. ‘ Concerned, James asked:  ‘What happened to the flea?’

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget….

This particular Sunday sermon… ‘Dear Lord,’ the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face.

‘Without you, we are but dust….’ He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, ‘Mom, what is butt dust?’

Source: answers.yahoo

Guy Takes Matters Into His Own Hands After Hearing Kids Abusive Remarks To His Mother

This guy may or may not have taught the abusive little brat anything but I bet it was an experience he won’t soon forget!  LMAO

 

guy-farts-on-kid-1 guy-farts-on-kid-2guy-farts-on-kid-3guy-farts-on-kid-4guy-farts-on-kid-5guy-farts-on-kid-6guy-farts-on-kid-7guy-farts-on-kid-8guy-farts-on-kid-9Source: weknowmemes

 

Teacher Has Best Response Ever To Sixth Grade Female Student

This teacher really does have the best reponse ever to her sixth grade student!  ROFLMAO

 

Sixth grade science teacher Mrs. Samson asks her class: “Who can tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?”

Nobody raises a hand, so she calls on the first student to look her way. “Mary, can you tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?”

Mary stands up, blushing furiously. “How dare you ask such a question?” she says. “I’m going to complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal, who will have you fired!”

Mrs. Sampson is shocked by Mary’s reaction, but undaunted. She asks the class the question again, and this time Sam raises his hand.

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Yes, Sam?” says Mrs. Sampson. “Ma’am, the correct answer is the iris of the human eye.”

“Very good, Sam. Thank you.”

Mrs. Sampson then turns to Mary and says, “Mary, I have 3 things to tell you: first, it’s clear that you have not done your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, I fear one day you are going to be sadly disappointed.”

Source: tickld

Kids Say It Best

This is for all of the haters out there that for some reason have an issue with mothers nursing their newborn babies in public. If you were a mother and had a screaming, crying newborn I guarantee you would be trying to find anyway you could to sooth your baby. Mothers have been doing this in the past by feeding their baby wherever they are at the time. Unfortunately, there have been some serious haters out there that are trying to shame these mother and this 6 year old has the best response for them.  Sometimes….kids really do say it best!

 

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And here is the best answer ever:

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Source: littlechurchmouse

The Nude Beach

When you take a 6 year old boy to a nude beach, you can expect the unexpected!  😉

 

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A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a family nude beach…

As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger than his mother’s, so he goes back to ask her why.

She tells her son, ‘The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.’

The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does.

She replies, ‘The bigger they are, the dumber the man is.’

Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play

Shortly thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his mother:

‘Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets.’

Source: yahoo

 

Unbelievably Weird Children’s Books

WOW!  These have to be some of the weirdest children’s books I have ever seen!

 

1.  Dick, Dick, What Did You Lick ?

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2.  Pretend I’m The Poop

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3.  Curious George

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4.  All My Friends Are Dead

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5.  Unplugged

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6.  Suck It

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7.  Scouts In Bondage

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8.  Angry Pig

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9.  Morning Of Awkwardness

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10. Cat’s Behind

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11. Teddy Bear Would Rather Sit And Watch

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12. Pleasure Island

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13. Harpo’s Horrible Secret

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14. Butcher

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15. Turtles Sleep

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16. Horse Balls

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17. Who Cares About Elderly People?

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18. Fellow Fags

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19. Poor Pussy Party Game

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20. Bones

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21. The Kiss

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22. Seamen

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23. Boy Vs. Girl

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24. Japan

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25. Do It Now

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26. Everyone Poops

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27. The Secret Of Being A Good Lover

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28. Cow

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29. Something In Her Mouth

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30. Invisible Dick

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Source: boredpanda

 

After Being Rejected By The Military Man Posts This Response

An older man, aged 62, puts up one hell of an argument as to why the military should raise the minimum age to join the military to 35 instead of recruiting 18-year-olds.  I have to say, his argument makes a lot of sense!

 

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Source: hrtwarming

 

8 Most Memorable Lessons From Mister Rogers

Mister Rogers was a very insightful man who had many words of wisdom we all could benefit from!

It can still be a beautiful day in the neighborhood if we take Mister Rogers’ lessons as seriously as *he* took *us* when we were growing up.

Lesson #1. Be the Mister Rogers you wish to see in the world.

mister rogers01 Think: What would Mister Rogers do? Then do that. This is the most simple and most difficult of all the lessons.

Lesson #2. Know that scary things are there. And talk about it.

mister rogers02For example. If you are worried you might go down a drain, Mister Rogers has you.

“The rain may go down,
But you can’t go down.
You’re bigger than any bathroom drain.
You can never go down
Can never go down
You can never go down the drain.”

Lesson #3. Talk about your feelings. If you know what to do with your feelings, you can do anything.

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Mister Rogers went to *CONGRESS* and talked about his feelings.

mister rogers04 He was like, “By the way guys, people can’t deal with their feelings and they’re hurting each other.”mister rogers05 mister rogers06 And then he straight up was like, “Hey congressmen, can I sing you a song?”

AND HE DID.

mister rogers07 mister rogers08 mister rogers09And that’s how he won over a grouchy old senator and got millions of dollars of funding for his show.

Lesson #4. Dress down! The only thing that matters is who you are inside anyway.

mister rogers10It’s OK to be comfortable.

Here’s some more of his beautiful song:

“But it’s you I like —
Every part of you,
Your skin, your eyes, your feelings
Whether old or new.
I hope that you’ll remember
Even when you’re feeling blue
That it’s you I like,
It’s you yourself,
It’s you, it’s you I like.”

Lesson #5. It’s good to be curious and imagine new things.

CRAYONS!!!!!

mister rogers11misterrogerscrayonsRemember when he took you to the crayon factory? No one questions how crayons are made because Mister Rogers changed your life when he showed you how your favorite writing utensil came to be.

Mister Rogers was ready to learn, he was curious, and he thought that, like, EVERYTHING was interesting.

Even cassette players! mister rogers12Yes. That is what cassette players looked like!

Best question ever, right here:

mister rogers13WHAAATTTTT?!

Get out of your life and into your mind. It’s called imagining. :::prayer hands:::

Lesson #6. Remember the helpers in our world.

mister rogers14 Maybe even *be* one of the helpers. Feel the feelings.

Lesson #7. Like other people. Like yourself!

mister rogers15“I’m just so proud of all of you who have grown up with us, and I know how tough it is some days to look with hope and confidence on the months and years ahead. But I would like to tell you what I often told you when you were much younger: I like you just the way you are.” — Mister Rogers

Lesson #8. Remember: Everyone is your neighbor. I mean everyone.

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New concept: EVERYONE IS YOUR NEIGHBOR.

Imagine if we lived in a world where we realllllllly thought that everyone was reallllly our neighbor.

That’s Mister Rogers’ world.

People from Ferguson.

People from halfway around the world.

People on your street! (Your LITERAL neighbors!)

EV-ER-Y-ONE.

Sing me your song, Mister Rogers.

“So, let’s make the most of this beautiful day. Since we’re together we might as well say: Would you be mine? Could you be mine?

Won’t you be my neighbor?”

We can live in this neighborhood.

How about we grow *that* idea in the garden of our minds?

Mister Rogers taught us a special thing about ideas in the gardens of our minds.

mister rogers17All you have to do is think, and they’ll grow.

Source: upworthy