Men Misunderstand So Many things Women Say

It is NO wonder men misunderstand women as they are very complicated individuals!

 

1.  I don’t want to talk about it

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She wants you to go away because she is still building up evidence against you.

2.  Nothing

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It is something. It is definitely something and you had better figure it out real quick.

3.  I’m not upset

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She’s upset

4.  Do I look fat in this?

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A better translation would be “Do you think I’m ugly?” and the answer is categorically “no”.

5.  Do you have to do this now?

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Also not a question. It means stop doing what you’re doing and prepare for further orders.

6.  Go ahead

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Do not misconstrue this as permission. In fact, it’s more of a dare. Actually, its always a dare. Don’t do it.

7.  What are you doing?

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This is actually not a question. It’s a statement akin to “You’re doing it wrong.”

8.  No

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It means “no”.

9.  We can go anywhere you want

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In most cases this means “You had better choose my favourite restaurant”.

10. Yes

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In most cases this also means no. There are exceptions but they are very hard to distinguish.

11. Thanks a lot

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It’s a very small distinction but this is actually the opposite of “thanks”. Under no circumstances should you say “you’re welcome”. Typically that would land you back at #15 (Whatever).

12. It would be nice if…

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Everything following the “if” is meant to be interpreted as an unconditional order.

13. Thanks

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It means thanks. Say “you’re welcome”.

14. Fine

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This means the argument is over and you lost.

15. Whatever

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This is like “fine” except significantly worse. In fact, many times it will follow #18 (Are you listening?).

16. It’s okay

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It’s never okay. This only means that she needs some time to figure out your punishment.

17. 5 minutes

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This depends on context. If she is getting dressed then it is most likely somewhere between 30 and 40 minutes. If you are watching TV then it is closer to 0 minutes. As in “why are you watching TV right now when you should be doing something productive?”

18. Are you listening?

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You are not listening. There is no way to recover from this.

19. *Loud sigh*

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You might not think so, but this is actually a word and it can roughly be translated as “I can’t believe I have to stand here and put up with your stupidity”.

 

20. It’s up to you

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If you think this means you have freedom to choose then you are very, very mistaken. A much better translation would be “It’s up to you…to select the right choice which I know but I am not going to tell you because you should know.” Making the wrong choice will usually result in an “It’s okay (see #16).

21. We need to talk

misunderstand17You’re dead.

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